1. I will never be a high school drop-out.
Somehow, they apparently managed to send me my diploma without seeing my grades in Algebra I, Algebra II, Geometry, Biology, or pretty much any class other than English, Speech, Art, and whatever else I actually cared about.
2. I can't be a teen mom.
No matter how quickly I manage to get knocked up from here on out, I have no longer qualified for this title since November 29th, 2011.
3. I can't be a college drop-out.
As much as that-one-professor-who-knows-who-they-are wished she could have stopped me, I did it anyway. Take that, hater.
4. I can never receive an MIP (minor in possession).
I can sit on my couch with wine and a book all I want. Heck, if I wanted to (which I DON'T) I could have Vegas Bombs for breakfast, and there's nothing illegal about it. Questionable, yes. Irresponsible? Perhaps. Illegal? Nope.
5. I can no longer be rejected from seeing R-Rated movies by myself.
As often as they tell me I have to be "Seventeen or older sweetie, sorry", I have an I.D. that proves I've been a big-girl for six years now, but thanks.
6. I will no longer qualify for any city-wide curfew.
No matter what city, no matter what time of night/morning.
7. I'm too old to go to any prom ever again.
That's not a statistic, I just thought I might mention it.
8. I'll never be a part of the 1%.
This is probably less of a statistic, and more of an overall fact...
HOWEVER, Just as I was bragging about all of these things to my friends, they decided to remind me of a couple of statistics I will always qualify for, for the rest of my life...
1. I can be a statutory rapist/ registered sex offender.
2. I can be murdered.
3. I'll always be a part of the 99%.
Apparently the lower sector of that percentage, too.
Because apparently my friends have tons of faith in my future.
Because I can't even be an MTV star now. Great. I might have to actually look for legitimate employment.
Because at least I can wander the streets until 2am if I wanted to...
But then again I'm in no hurry to qualify for statistic #2.
Because that's just How It Is.