On a daily basis, we do a lot of problem solving, both small scale, as well as large.
However, if there's one lesson I've learned in my short-but-fulfilled 21 years of life, it is this:
YOU CAN'T TRUST WOMEN.
Don't believe me? That's okay. You can do either one of two things:
1. You can skip this blog post, instead moving on with your foolish life of constant trickery at the hands of ladies everywhere.
2. You can shut up and listen.
For those of you who chose #2, I've compiled a list of the top ten reasons why you should never, ever, under any circumstances, trust a woman.
The Top 5 Reasons You Can Never Trust a Woman
1. We never know what we want, yet we ALWAYS know what we want.
Sound confusing? That's the point. Whenever you ask a woman what she wants, whether it's in the drive through, at the store, Christmas, or even just choosing a channel on the television, the response will most usually be something along the lines of:
"Oh, I don't really know. It doesn't matter.You choose."
It DOES matter, we DO know what we want, and no matter WHAT you choose, that will not be satisfactory. We usually play this game in an effort to sound less than high maintenance.
Word to the wise:
If a woman every says, "I don't care, surprise me"... RUN.
2. The moment we were born with two X chromosomes, we immediately entered into a competition called "Other Women Are Terrible People".
Never, ever, under any circumstances, should you mention another woman's name while in the presence of females.
Nothing. Not even a, "Hey, so I saw Claire, and she wanted me to tell you hey."
Claire did NOT want to tell your female acquaintance hello. Claire was secretly doing what we women often refer to as BEING A B*TCH.
What may look to a man as a friendly gesture is actually this:
By Claire saying hello to your lady friend, through you, she has established (to your lady friend), that she was in your presence (talking, laughing, probably looking very pretty) all the while giving your special woman ZERO chance to defend her territory.
Claire was sending a very specific and threatening message. And she knew it.
Word to the wise: No.
4. Rosie O'Donnell.
(The lecherous traitor.)
5. We are 100% willing to throw anyone and everyone under the bus for the sake of:
A great Facebook profile picture.
An amazing shoe sale at the mall.
To make our exes jealous.
Attention of any kind.
Because, as Water Boy's mama once said: Women are the devil.
Because we often pretend to show regret. Do not be fooled. Be possess no such thing.
Because you have been warned.
Because that's just How It Is.