2. Answering all of the, "... ... ... So... what exactly do you do?" questions that come with explaining stand-up comedy to various relatives and friends.
3. Running into that one person I've wanted to absolutely strangle since junior high school in the bread isle at Walmart, and having to pretend we're just as peachy as ever. And no. I'm not over it.
4. Being one of the few people at the holiday parties that hasn't gotten engaged, married, or pregnant, and everyone probably assumes is a lesbian.
5. Hanging out with my grandpa, who is a legitimate cowboy and probably the coolest person ever.
6. Convincing my mom that my laying around the house in my pajamas absolutely counts as helping out with holiday preparations.
7. Sleeping on the couch in a living room that is absolutely haunted.
8. Desserts for breakfast. Desserts for lunch. Desserts for dinner. Desserts for desserts.
9. The coma that follows #8.
10. Pretending that sitting next to the elliptical machine in our living room is the same thing as using it, and that Santa says calories don't count between December 20th and January 1st.
Because what better way to celebrate a holiday than finally finding out you have another cousin you didn't know about until they showed up on the doorstep?
Because what they REALLY want to know is how the heck I pay my rent.
Because she's probably a skank. I have no proof to back this up, but I can just tell.
Because that's the magic of Christmas, y;'all. And that's just How It Is.